I Am
by Astorina
Disclaimer: Renee, Zo'or, ect., ect. belong to Tribune, or whoever. Marie belongs to ME!
***
You felt that shiver go down your spine
The temperature just dropped
You think you saw something
From the corner of your eye
You're not sure
I am
Every ghost you think you're seen
Every phantom footstep
Every voice that's called your name
You're not sure that I exist
I am
Every fragmented memory
Every though that's been long buried
Every spirit forever gone
You know
I am
Every ray of sunshine
Every little girl you ever see
In every hope and dream you have
I am
Your angel
The had been dimmed, and the candles lit. Renee relaxed in the spa sized tub in her bathroom. She stretched out, letting the water jets message her tired muscles after a long day of playing megacorp liaison with Zo'or, keeping the resistance above water, and the general protecting if innocents and saving the world etc.
Liam, She furred her brows slightly. did a charming job of acting his mature age of two and a half today. Renee let out an annoyed sigh. I suppose there are no breaks for the new age super woman. She dropped her head back, and took a few cleansing breaths before sighing heavy. What ever happened to the simple days when I was just Renee? she sloshed the water around with her little finger. Loving daughter, wife, and mother. Frowning, she leaned against the side of the tub. Inhaling deeply, she became lost in her memory. The candle smelled, just as her little Marie always had, like sweet sunshine. Renee's eyes began to water as she thought of all the times she had chased the little girl out of this very bathroom because mommy wanted to be alone. She looked straight ahead, as tears slowly ran down her cheeks.
"My angel" She whispered to the empty room.
Mommy? A soft voice lilted from behind Renee.
She froze, as she saw a small figure standing in the door frame from the corner of her eye. Slowly, she turned around, to see nothing there.
"No." She whispered. She closed her eyes, and tried to gather her strength. Opening her eyes, she saw the translucent figure sitting beside the tub.
"Oh God no. please not again." Renee pleaded softly.
The ethereal child cocked her head to the side, then smiled sweetly at her mother. Renee reached out tentatively, and the spirit faded away into nothing. Leaning against the side, she threw her head back, and looked up. Her tears freely flowing, she drew in a shaky breath.
"Why?"
***
"I just don't understand it." Renee looked down at her hands while speaking. "I thought I was over this ... this hallucination." She sat in the corner of her psychologist, Dr.Elana Lasenburg's couch. Renee was dressed perfectly as always, but her eyes held a tortured expression.
"This isn't a new thing for you Renee. It's happened three times before. And every time was a great period of stress for you. Tell me, are under any stress right now?" Dr.Lasenburg out on a well practiced 'concerned' face.
Renee straightened immediately, and laughed a light sarcastic laugh.
"Well let's see. I'm a CEO at Door's International, lesion to the Taelon Synod, I work with Zo'or on an almost daily basis, not to mention all of these pet projects. Now you tell me Dr. Lasenburg, am I under any stress?" Renee glared at the doctor with an expression that said 'come on, just tell me,ME, that that I'm not under any stress.'
"There's no need to be hostile Ms. Palmer. Now, describe this apparition. Is it distorted in any way?" The psychologist leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands.
"Oh no." Renee's expression was far away as she thought of her Marie. "No, she was perfect. Her face, her eyes, her smile… Oh God her smile." She dabbed the tears she was not crying in front of another person away quickly. Renee nodded her head slightly as she whispered. "She's real...Isn't she?"
"Renee" Elana said softly, but firmly. "You know it's not real. Marie is dead. It's all in your mind, you can control it. You need to relax-"
"You think I wouldn't know my own child?" Renee shook her head, and slowly stood up. "Have you ever lost a child Elana?"
"I-"
"Do you even have any children? A husband?"
"Well no-"
"Then how would you know?" Renee stalked quickly to the door.
"Renee, come back here and talk this out. You need help. You know it."
"I don't know anything anymore" She gracefully turned on her heals, and walked out the door, towards her apparition.
***
She sat patiently waiting, always waiting, for her. Nothing could keep them apart. Nothing. Not even death. After all, what was death compared to love? Her unearthly eyes brightened as she came out of the big building. Gliding silently, she crossed the street.
I'm gonna help my mommy.
***
Renee breezed out of the glass revolving doors, with a slight frown on her face.
' I've had enough of this d@mn defect in my mind. Marie and Paul are dead. Gone. Forever. Dead means forever gone.' The emptiness had been eating at her. ' To the world I am fine, fine, fine.' Renee started as she was the image of Marie floating towards her, but kept walking. What was the use of responding to something that didn't exist?
I'm just fine,
***
"As you can clearly see, this will benefit both Doors International, and the Synod. Not to mention that it should raise approval ratings on both of our behalf." Renee smiled a curt, business type smile. She had secured another project. Yet again. Her eyes drifted to the base of Zo'or's chair. Something wasn't right. The air? The atmosphere? The lack there of? Renee snapped back to attention as she realized that she had started to drift.
Zo'or eyes her carefully, before offering his own professional smile. "Yes, This CO-venture has promise..."
Renee tuned him out as her eyes found the base of his chair once again-along with the apparition that hid behind it. Marie peaked her head around, and grinned at her mother. Renee stared, but kept her face clam as Zo'or spoke. The seraph came around the side of the throne like chair, and waved to the object of her affection. Renee's eyes widened ever so slightly, as she noticed that no one else on the bridge was reacting to this very obvious specter.
"Ms. Palmer, are you well?" Zo'or glared slightly at Renee, slightly agitated at having lost her attention.
"Perfectly." Renee took a breath in through her teeth. "You were saying?" She smiled once again, fighting the blush that was coming to her cheeks at her noticed wondering. Marie just giggled at the sight.
Renee slipped back into her own little world as Zo'or continued speaking. The cherub came forward ever so slightly, resting just under Zo'or's hand. Looking up mischievously, she jumped straight up into the air, her form gliding through Zo'or's fingers, before landing where she had started. Renee gasped at her daring move, and stood still awaiting Zo'or's reaction. He mover his hand back ever so slightly, without even looking down. Renee's face paled as she started taking in slow, deep breaths to calm herself.
"Ms.Plalmer!" Zo'or snapped slightly at her.
Marie glided around to the back of the chair, and slowly started to creep up the back of it. Sitting on the arm rest, she looked Zo'or in the face before giggling loudly. A smile started to spread on Renee's face. 'What are you doing sweetie? She thought to herself.
The spirit leaned back a bit. He looks funny. Renee pressed her lips together to hold back a laugh.
Yes, honey, he does. She thought back to her.
Marie's eyes gleamed, as another mischievous smile appeared on her face. Sneaking her arm behind Zo'or's head, she made a petite pair of bunny ears and giggled again, then made the bunny ears dance around. Zo'or seemed blissfully unaware of this, and continued on in all seriousness. Renee couldn't keep it in any longer, and burst out in a fit of giggles.
"Ms.Palmer! Is there something that you find amusing?" Zo'or stood up in an outrage and looked around the bridge wildly, then glared icicles into Renee.
She quickly put her hands up to her mouth to stop herself. "No... NO! Nothing at all. There's absolutely nothing funny here at all. I just... I ... I'm sorry." Renee blushed a bright crimson and cleared her throat.
"I'm sorry Zo'or. I've just realized that I have another appointment in less than an hour and I'll have to cut this meeting short. If you'll excuse me." Renee gathered herself as Zo'or nodded his head to end the meeting.
***
Renee walked quickly down the long corridors of the mothership to reach the portal. The heavenly spirit followed along, struggling to keep up with her mother's pace. Her bright white inner light bounced off the dim light of the blue and purple walls as she bobbed along. Mommy?
She ignored the spirit and kept walking.
Mommy please.
Renee slowed slightly, but kept going.
Mommy! Please stay and play with me. I miss you so much.
Renee stopped short of the portal and turned around. Crouching down, she extended a hand through her daughter.
"I can't do this" She whispered.
Stepping backwards into the portal, she activated it.
At the other end of the hallway, Da'an looked from the apparition to Renee. Their eyes meet briefly, as she vanished.
***